Everything You Need to Know About Negotiating (for Yourself)

First, I have a confession to make. I haven't always been a good negotiator. In fact, like many women, I started out my career behind the eight ball in terms of salary simply by my lack of negotiation during my first job offer. Twenty-plus years ago, as my boyfriend and I were both graduating with Master’s degrees — his a MBA, mine a MA in Communication — I just assumed my worth was less than his. He went on to negotiate his offer to a $50,000 per year salary, while I, just thrilled to be offered a job, accepted $31,000 per year without negotiation. And so, my climb began.

If my story echoes yours, we're not alone. In 2016, Glassdoor found that 68 percent of women accepted their offered salary without negotiation (compared to 52 percent of men), which can lead to a pay gap of up to $2 million over the course of a woman’s career. And while a 2019 Glassdoor study has shown improvement in women (and men) in negotiating their salary offers (only 42 percent of women accepted their offered salary in 2019), “we’re still decades away from reaching pay equality.” In fact, this same study showed that the retail industry tied with the media industry for the widest gender pay gap in the U.S.

So, What Can We Do About It?

While, after that first offer, I never accepted another position without negotiating my compensation package, it took me a long time to feel comfortable doing so. And yes, I negotiated daily on behalf of my client or company and employees. Even after negotiating my first vice president position, which required my family to relocate halfway across the country, I just never felt I did it well on my own behalf.

A turning point came for me at my first Women in Retail Leadership Summit five years ago. I vividly remember sitting in the audience listening to a panel of executive women expressing their tips on negotiating. For the first time, I felt empowered and not alone, and was given useful tips to put in my toolbox.

First, Never Accept the Offer Right Away

The moment has finally arrived. After multiple visits and rounds of interviews, you've finally been given an offer, and you're beyond thrilled. You just want to scream into the phone, “Yesss! I’ll take it!” As tempting as this is, don’t do it!

Simply say “Thank you. I’m [delighted, happy] to receive this offer. I’m going to need [the weekend, the next few days, the evening] to review this [with my partner, husband, self]. I’d love it if you could send me your benefits package so I can thoroughly review the full offer. I’m looking forward to the next steps!”

Once you’ve had time to review all the materials provided, you'll have a full understanding of what areas of the offer you feel are worthy of negotiation — from your base salary to bonus to vacation time to 401k and stock offers to relocation packages to your title to your start date.

Negotiate on Behalf of Yourself Like You Would for Your Company

As Miki Racine Berardelli, CEO of KIDBOX said at that Summit, “When you’re about to join an executive team and having conversations with a CEO or a C-level hiring manager, negotiations are expected. They’re hiring you for a job where you’re going to be negotiating contracts on their behalf, as well as carrying out and executing their vision and strategy. Therefore, negotiating your own terms is an opportunity to position yourself as a very wise and true businessperson.”

I couldn’t agree more. Miki’s quote really stuck with me that day. In my opinion, it goes for all levels of an organization. Even associate and manager-level employees are expected to negotiate with vendors on behalf of their company.

Frame Your Negotiation in an ‘I-We’ Strategy

One reason women don’t negotiate on their own behalf is that we're correctly intuiting the ‘social cost’ of negotiation. Research studies have shown social cost is higher for women than men — except when women are negotiating on the behalf of others. Odd, right?

One way to overcome this phenomenon is to frame your negotiation in a way that puts the company first and presents the value you bring to the organization. According to the Harvard Business Review, “Using a ‘relational account’ or ‘I-We’ strategy involves asking for what you want while signaling to your negotiating counterpart that you're taking their perspective.”

It’s important to frame this in your own language so it feels authentic to you. For me, it sounds something like, ‘I’m hopeful you’ll see negotiating as an asset that I will bring to this position’ or ‘I’m looking to set us both up for success.’

Be Part of the Change

According to the 2019 Glassdoor survey, 87 percent of employees believe in equal compensation for men and women in similar roles and levels of experience; however, only 68 percent of women believe there's equal pay for equal work. In addition, 72 percent of women wouldn't apply to a company where a pay gap exists.

As leaders, we must continue to be part of the solution, paying attention to wage discrepancies across our organizations — regardless of gender.

To quote Michelle Williams' 2019 Emmy’s acceptance speech thanking FX and Fox 21 studios: " … they understood that when you put value into a person, it empowers that person to get in touch with their own inherent value. And then where do they put that value? They put it into their work. … One day she might stand in front of you and say thank you for allowing her to succeed because of her workplace environment, and not in spite of it.”

The good news is that with every negotiation we get better at it! What negotiating tips do you have? I’d love to hear from you. And keep an eye out for my next article on when not to negotiate.

This article was originally published by Women Leading Travel & Hospitality's sister brand, Women in Retail Leadership Circle.